14 years ago on April 27, 2006, my Father committed suicide. He had no light inside.
Living with suicide for all of these years, I am ever aware that I have never had to fight that darkness - that Depression that ultimately consumed him, killed him.
Largely thanks to my Mother’s tireless effort, indefatigable will, and a light that is implicit in her being, my Dad left me a light inside that he never had. My Mom’s light continues as a living gift to me and all who know her.
Light and shadow go hand-in-hand to create form and beauty.
Today, I am inside - every day. Looking for light. Like all of us, thanks to the pandemic, I am living in mostly physical isolation. But, I am also “inside” doing a lot of work mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to sustain my best self and try to remain a light of my own, to find the essence of this moment, to be present with it.
A light defined by shadow. Shadow defined by light.
I have captured these images of light and shadow throughout the inside of my house, the home where I was raised, where my wife and I are raising our children - the house still full of the light and shadow that so defined me.
I am sharing these thoughts and images because I can. I am sharing them because I must. I am sharing them because it has been 14 years since I learned what darkness means and in that time I’ve also come to understand light.
I hope you find your light in these dark times, and hold it dearly, grow it, share it, that it may be what guides you and those you love out of and beyond this shadow.
4/26/2020 02:08:46 pm
Thank you for the kind words.
4/26/2020 05:07:30 pm
You are such an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing. I have not been where you are therefore I cannot say I understand your pain. One thing I do know that you are loved by many especially me. You will always be one of my boys.
4/26/2020 06:38:56 pm
4/26/2020 08:25:55 pm
Remember the morning well...I so like reading your responses to the events of that April 27. You do such a good job with your 'creative exploring' ending up with thoughts, pictures to ease the memories and in fact bring a bit of beauty to them. We loved Charlie so much and we loved that he loved Ma and Pa so much.
4/27/2020 06:06:33 am
We love your dad dearly and this writing brings a light of knowledge deeper the getting the call that morning from family. Love yall
4/27/2020 07:00:53 am
Thanks for sharing.
4/27/2020 10:57:31 am
Mothers. They are the very best of everything.
4/29/2020 07:42:57 pm
That day made a huge impact on me. So may times when I was heading to woodland he was in the front yard pruning that one tree.
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